38 weeks

I'll be 38 weeks pregnant on Thursday. I'm looking forward to not being pregnant, so that part of me wants to be done, but considering the craziness of our lives right now, it might be better if she stays inside for another couple weeks. In case you didn't read the last post or just didn't know, Brett has joined a colleague to start their own asset management company. Brett's insane hours have not changed. They are in the process of finding another employee to help lighten the load. They want someone hired and trained before the baby's born. I would really like to have my husband around for a few days after the baby arrives instead of his being distracted with work or having to go into the office all the time. We are praying hard that they find a third person to handle the Operations part of their business.

Stella got sick with a cold while she was still getting over her gastroenteritis, and then I came down with a bad virus last week, which I am still recovering from. I haven't been this sick in a long time. Last Tuesday I felt terrible, so Stella and I stayed home from BSF. The next few days were the worst. One night I started the evening by puking (sorry), followed by coughing throughout the night, and every time I had to cough, it would set off my super sensitive gag reflex (thanks to pregnancy), so I'd run to the bathroom and dry heave; my whole body ached and was shaking from exhaustion or something. I ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room so I wouldn't keep Brett up. During the night I was wheezing, so I called the nurses' line and she said to come in to get checked for pneumonia. They set me up with a family practice doctor who listened to my lungs. Of course I didn't wheeze at all when she was listening to me, but she said that that happens a lot - that the wheezing happens more in the night and early morning. Thankfully Mom took Stella for the day because I could barely walk, let alone lift Stella because I was so weak. That day I would sleep in only 15-minute increments because my heartburn was so bad. That evening I puked again before bed, but slept much better. Mom took Stella again, and I was actually able to nap an hour or so. My coughing was hurting my back and my other virus symptoms prevented me from actually enjoying my rest. I just kind of lay in bed with my miserable thoughts.

I continued to feel lousy throughout the weekend until today even. Brett had to take a conference call on Sunday in addition to working on things on his computer at home for work. Stella didn't nap for us Saturday or Sunday. She has been terrible about napping. She'll nap fine for my mom at her house, but not for us. Surprisingly she is napping for me right now, but it took half an hour or more to get her settled.

I had an OB appointment yesterday. I am now going every Monday until the baby is born. I haven't progressed since last week's 1 cm dilation. As it happened with Stella toward the end of that pregnancy, I am gaining weight every week due to edema. This is such a downer. My appetite is waning, and I don't eat excessively, yet I gain no matter what, due to the water retention. I feel disgusting and just want to hide. My face is swelling as well as my legs, feet, and ankles. The two days my mom took Stella and I was in bed, my feet were a normal size, but just yesterday and today my feet and legs are swollen and throbbing. I am looking forward to getting back to feeling normal - no more pregnancy edema; no more heartburn; no more aching this or that.

It always amazes me boggles my mind beyond belief the pregnant women who suffer little to no stereotypical pregnancy symptoms. They have it good. Yes, I envy them with a passion. Meanwhile, I feel like an absolute ogre.

I have struggled to find joy lately and have felt extremely down. Going back to BSF today was an encouragement, but I still feel very drained and tired of the status quo. I keep reminding myself that life is messy and rarely ever goes as we think it will go, so I need to adjust expectations and bear things with grace and patience (and a heavy reliance on God, of course).

Well, there's more I could write, but I'm feeling sleepy. Hope you are all having a great Tuesday!