stranger than fiction

Lately life has been very challenging; Brett and I are dealing with setbacks in life; a big old rut. Maybe I should rephrase that as a seemingly big old rut. There are good things happening simultaneously, but right now the harder things are eclipsing the nice things. God seems to be allowing some hard stuff to hit us. Our faith is feeling tested. We're being stretched; molded. Just when we think things are going to take a positive new direction, a door is closed. This period of seemingly endless challenges has brought us closer together and caused us to evaluate our hearts and how we view God when we go through hardship. My tendency is to incorrectly think that God is punishing me, but that is not Truth: he is working something in me or through me or both. I may not know the reason for a long time, or possibly never in this lifetime, but he is good, and his motives are all about love.

Last evening something very stressful happened. It may not be weird to you, but it was to me, so I will relay as best I can what happened. Real life can truly be stranger than fiction. Last night at 6 we were planning on meeting up with some relatives from my dad's side of the family since they were in town visiting. We were supposed to meet at the community room of the assisted living building of my aunt's parents. Brett was going to drive there from work; Stella and I drove separately. En route, I looked in my car mirror to see what Stella was up to in the back seat. I noticed a trickle of blood running out of her nose. Lately, she has been getting lots of nosebleeds due to dry air or something. Oh shoot! But I'm almost there - just another traffic light to get through. The red light was very long. More blood was running out and then she just lost it. Started screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. Finally the light turned green and I had just a few more blocks to go until I could pull into a parking lot. I parked in the first spot available, jumped out and ran to her side and opened the door. Not only was she covered in blood at this point, but she had worked herself up into such a frenzy that she had thrown up all down the front and on her car seat straps. I spotted Brett walking from his car a little further ahead (he hadn't seen me pull in), and I yelled for him. Thankfully he heard me, and made his way toward me. I turned back to figure out what to do with Stella first. I felt a wave of helplessness wash over me. I didn't even know what to do first. I took a few deep breaths. After having read a few days ago what to do with a nosebleed, I tried to pinch her nose to make it stop. I pulled out some wipes from her diaper bag and just pinched her nose with it and tried to clean up anything I could. She was still screaming and crying. This whole part went on for at least ten minutes. Brett had gone in for paper towels, and we tried to clean up most of the vomit and blood off of her so we could unbuckle her. Mind you, Brett was still in his nice work clothes, so I held her, and we tried to get that nose to stop bleeding. I had parked near the entrance of the parking lot, and next to the assisted living center, there is a strip mall, so lots of people were driving in and staring at us in horror. Stella was wearing a white romper and it was covered in blood. A horrible sight. I was dripping sweat and kept getting blood from Stella on my arms and even feet. A complete stranger even came up to us and told us he was a dad and offered us some Pampers wipes.

Not wanting to stick Stella back in her seat and drive home, we brought her inside, and my mom and one of my aunts arranged for us to use my aunt's elderly parents' apartment bath. We rushed her inside, got her out of her clothes, and washed her down in the bathtub. She was crying her head off the whole time, but we finally calmed her down. Brett and I looked sweaty, frazzled, disheveled. My mom and aunt had put Stella's outfit in the washing machine, and fortunately I had packed another outfit in her bag, so we dressed her in that. (By some miracle and lots of bleach, they were able to get all the blood out and it looks as good as new!) We headed to the community room to where the rest of the family was eating dinner. Brett and I were so disoriented that we were kind of like zombies. I couldn't focus on conversations. I just wanted to cry. Thankfully Stella perked up after she had some pizza and fruit and played with some of my cousins' kids. Then her nose started up again. She started screaming and crying again. This time I got blood on my chest and shirt. Brett and I went over in a corner with her and he prayed that it would stop right away this time, and it did (thank you, God). She was still crying inconsolably, though. In order that one of us could sit in the back with Stella on the way home, my dad drove Brett's car back to our place, and my mom drove in her car. While I drove and Brett sat in the back with her, she finally calmed down and sucked her fingers quietly. Brett called a nurse to see if we should go in. She said that nosebleeds are common in children and that we should put Vaseline in her nose twice a day and turn on a humidifier in her room. If a nosebleed lasts more than 30 minutes, then we should bring her in.

When we got home, I carried her into her room and she said with the most vacant, sad, tired eyes and weak, soft tone: "Nigh-nigh" as if to beg me to put her to bed. While I put her to bed, Brett was scrubbing the car seat with soap and hot water. She fell asleep quickly, but I heard her crying out ever so often during the night. We only had a warm mist humidifier, so I think she was getting too warm last night. I slept about three hours last night because I kept wondering if her nose was bleeding - and not entirely sure if I was dreaming she had another nosebleed or if I should go check on her.

Today my nerves feel shot and I feel completely frazzled. As a person who gets easily overwhelmed and needs to recover after a stressful event, I am feeling almost numb today. The car seat still reeks, so I'm doing research of what to do for that. Right now I have the garage door open and all the windows down, and thankfully it's a breezy day. Now that she's napping, I may move it to the driveway so that it gets a better cross breeze. Some people on Google suggested cleaning it with baking soda and vinegar; others say the smell will never go away, so you need to order new straps. We just bought this brand new toddler car seat last Sunday. I just have to laugh. Laugh or I will go completely insane. Maybe I will be able to laugh about this in a month. Today? Nope. Can't do it yet. I have decided to stop wondering: Why did God have her get a nosebleed in the car? Why did he have it happen right before a social event? Why did she have to throw up in addition to already being bloody - adding insult to injury? God, the difficult eye-patching and other stuff we're going through is enough, why are you allowing this to happen, too?

This morning I took Stella for a walk, and at one point, a beautiful gust of a breeze blew through our hair, and it just made me tear up. Even on this hot day, God threw me a bone, so to speak. He sent us a nice breeze to cool us off and so that I could air out the car. He is giving me another situation to challenge me, to keep us in dialogue. He cares about our relationship.

So yes, I believe that a good God was behind this insane adventure Brett and I as new parents experienced last night. I don't believe in random events in the universe or coincidences. Only God could work something for our good in a situation like that. I'm sure curious what it was. :)