stream of consciousness

Aaah! I have so many ideas for this blog and no time to carry them out. This predicament makes me so frustrated. Why do I have the most creative ideas for writing when I have the LEAST time? And then I draw a blank when I DO have time. CONUNDRUM ALERT. Anyway, I recently read a post through Bloglovin' with ideas for blog content, and I'm all fired up. I just want to go to a coffee shop and write and write and write, but I have responsibilities that are quite overwhelming of my free time right now. And my husband's out of town. So for now I'm going to hammer out some recent thoughts, little blurbs of updates, etc.

It's February 1st, and winter is still waging war on us all. We had one of the snowiest, coldest Januarys in a long time. Usually March is the snowiest month in Minnesota, but this January was a DOOZY. The snowdrifts in our yard are so big it looks like we have hills on our property, which we don't.

Brett flew out to Denver with my dad yesterday. They were supposed to get a connecting flight from Denver to Eagle (Vail), but due to weather, all the flights were canceled, so they rented a vehicle and drove three hours to Vail instead. 30 inches of snow just dumped on Vail, and they were told the snow is waist-deep, so that will be some interesting skiing.

The irony is not lost on me that in spite of all the care I provide for my girls from about 7:30 or 8 in the morning until late at night and then through the night, I am scheduled to work in the church infant nursery tomorrow at 9 a.m. AND our BSF group is scheduled to volunteer in the children's program on Tuesday. Don't get me wrong: I love children, but when I take care of mine full-time, being required to watch other kids is a bit much. #HONESTMOMENT I will definitely be praying my heart out for grace and energy to watch all these precious children tomorrow and Tuesday.

Leaving the house with two children is so unbelievably difficult. I think I am getting a routine in place that helps me do it a little better, but oh my goodness, it's hard. Especially when Grace starts crying because she doesn't want to be buckled into her carrier and Stella fights me about wanting to wear a big fancy dress and I'm telling her no, it's cold out, you're wearing pants, etc. Also, depending on when I've fed Grace, she could be super crabby because I just nursed her and couldn't get a burp out of her or didn't have time to burp her, so she's spitting up and cranky, or she's hungry, but I was too busy to feed her because I was getting Stella ready, so she's bawling, and will just have to wait until we get to our destination so I can nurse her there. Lately I put Grace into her infant carseat carrier on the floor first, and I tell Stella to rock it gently back and forth while I restock the diaper bag, make sure I have everything in my purse that I need, etc. Stella loves having a job to do, and she often is able to placate Grace with her soothing words and rocking her back and forth in the carrier. Then it's putting jackets on Stella and me time, and Stella always wants her boots on now, so that takes a little extra time. Haha. Then I put the bags in the car followed by grabbing Grace and putting her in the car, and then I go in and get Stella. Stella usually wants to walk around in the snow first, and I usually have to say no because we're running behind wherever we're supposed to be anyway. When I finally get in the car, I'm a huge sweaty hot mess and I take a deep sigh of relief that I've made it thus far. If we're dealing with subzero temperatures, I go out and start the car and back it out of the garage so that the fumes don't wind up inside the car. I let it run for a good 7-10 minutes (I have an old car). When I sign up for something and it's an early start time, I inwardly groan because I know I will have even less time to work with to get us all ready. Our music class is at 9:30 and BSF starts at 9:20, but I have to get Stella to her room well before that. Those are the hard mornings. If we sign her up for a gym class on Thursdays (I'm checking out an intro class first), it's at the blessed beautiful time of 11:15. That will be so nice! So Mondays and Wednesdays I enjoy schlepping about at a leisurely pace until the afternoon when we make our way to the library or something like that.

Well, you got an earful about children preparedness for outings. That's what happens when you ride the stream of my consciousness, folks.

Okay, last night I could not sleep very well because I was thinking about so many things. Not really worrying about things, but just THINKING, ruminating, analyzing, planning, reminiscing. So many different kinds of thoughts to have, aren't there?

Right now Grace is taking one of her frustratingly-short cat naps and Stella is playing in the bathtub. She loves taking baths. After we take care of the cleaning her part, she wants to stay in there and keep playing with her toys. She periodically asks that I run more hot water so that she doesn't get cold. Right now I am sitting in the bathroom to watch her as I write this post. Grace is already starting to wake up and I will have to think about what to make Stella for lunch.

I miss my husband. The weekends are our time to spend time as a family and he's gone. I'm glad he can take this time to recharge and do something he so enjoys (skiing) and have a break from a high-stress job. He knows this is hard on me, and believe me that he is not some kind of jerk husband leaving me high and dry. We agreed on his taking this trip, and he made sure it was okay with me. Ugh, it is super hard though, even with my mom's help. Sometimes you just want your husband.

Okay, gotta run! More later...until then, listen to this song my brother Luke shared with me. I love his accompanying email. :)

I just discovered this lady and she's pretty amazing. This song made me think of you, Sarah, and your stir-craziness, considering Sophie has a husband and three boys under 9 (and two born as little pre-mies!) -- listen to the lyrics.