doing the best we can

I feel like I'm falling behind in pretty much every aspect of my life: I have lost touch with friends; my house is disorganized; I haven't meal-planned in weeks; there are half-completed projects all around the house; a formal workout regimen is absent from my schedule; my kitchen pantry and linen closet are in major need of an organizational overhaul; there are e-mails I need to respond to; I feel like a frump-a-lump...okay, okay, you get the idea. This recent lack of organization seems to have started soon after we brought Miss Stella home from the hospital when she was born sixteen months ago. I have been stuck in a perpetual state of catching up ever since. My house used to be tidy and clean. I was able to think more clearly. I enjoyed leisure time for reading and browsing at book stores and other fun stores. I had time to collect thoughts and to reflect; time to e-mail or write letters to out-of-town family and friends; opportunities to have people over for dinner. This has all changed. Life seems way harder to manage when you have an active toddler to keep an eye on, feed, bathe, play with, read to, etc. She is my joy, but I have never been so tired in all my life (okay, besides during pregnancy). I think it's time I accept the fact that while we have young children, I am going to experience perpetual tiredness and feeling-behindness. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to tackle first: the laundry? the kitchen? tidying up? making my grocery list? There are so many things to do that I don't even know where to start.

I'm not giving up, though. I want to create a restful, loving, peaceful, clean, beautiful environment for my dear Brett and sweet Stella. I don't strive for perfection because trying to be perfect is boring and pretty much impossible. I want a beautiful managed mess because life is not tidy; it's always going to be messy in some aspect, but I do want to be more organized and prepared for the messes that will inevitably appear.

Brett and I are both pretty task-oriented, so we will just wittle away at our list of projects, even if it takes us forever to complete them. Two weeks ago he was able to cross off the refinishing-the-end-table project. It looks great! He also repaired our dryer on Saturday, so that's up and running finally. I have no clue how to do DIY projects or things like table-refinishing or bathroom-remodeling, so part of getting these projects done will require my willingness to allow Brett the time he needs to do those things...something that I hate giving up on the weekends: I just want to not work on the weekends and just have fun with Brett and Stella. While rest is important, now especially that we have a child to take care of, I just don't think we are going to have "free" weekends for a long time! :)

With all that said, last night I vacuumed every vacuum-able surface in the house and it felt AWESOME. It's amazing what a little vacuuming will do to improve the appearance of things. Brett also moved some things around in the garage so that we have more room to store the stroller in our tiny one-car garage. It's the little things, I guess. :) I will take these little victories and relish them. I will acknowledge the fact that we live in a fallen world - not ever on this earth will all aspects of my life be running smoothly altogether at the same time. There will always be a broken dryer; a cracked windshield to replace; a sink full of dirty dishes waiting to be washed; plans thrown out the window because we're up with a sick daughter half the night. We will do the best we can as we rely on God in the meantime.

Signing off to finish my grocery list.

Oh, one last thing. Here is the table that Brett refinished: