the whole story

I have been thinking about Facebook and how it affects other people's viewpoints of my life as well as how I view other people's lives through this social media outlet. There are a plethora of articles in regard to Facebook (referring to it as FB for rest of post) making us feel bad about ourselves because we compare our lives by viewing pictures of others' fabulous vacations, read about their dazzling accomplishments, etc. While this is true for many, that is not the number one problem I have with FB. Yes, I'll admit I feel twinges of envy when I see beautiful pictures of my friends' vacations when I know Brett and I could really use a vacation; I sometimes feel down because other women look skinny and photogenic in their pictures; I wince with emotional pain and loneliness when I see people I thought were my close friends from school or other walks of life seeming to be a lot more close with other friends, or realizing they have become better friends with people I had introduced them to; I feel sadness when I see pictures of friends and realize I have no idea when I will see them next because they live so far away and we are limited both financially and by having a baby to go visit them; I cried with pain whenever I read someone announce a pregnancy in the days I thought I was unable to get pregnant...trying so hard to rejoice with those who rejoice; I feel lame when I see other people add more letters after their name through academic achievement when I know I could have achieved the same if it weren't for my very hard battle with depression and anxiety after graduating from college, but I guess it doesn't really get to me because I know everyone else is putting their best foot forward online just as I do: we're not posting pictures of ourselves as soon as we roll out of bed. We're not sharing pictures of a recent face breakout. We're not rushing to update people about the fight we just had with a spouse or about tension with a friend or family member. FB is like dating: you put forth the best version and image of yourself. The sooner you realize that is what everyone else is doing, the better. And I really don't think it's bad or good that we put the best updates up. It's just the way it is. Like one of my friends put it: FB is kind of like Christmas letters people (used to) send out - updates/highlights. You don't write about the interpersonal low points and struggles - that's not the forum to express things like that. (Side note: FB has caused me to examine my heart: do I rejoice for those who rejoice? Do I envy their lives and, by doing so, mistrust that God loves me and has a plan for my life?)

No, that is not what I don't like about FB. It's hard to put a finger on it, but I think what gets me is that you don't see and know things entirely in context. You don't know the background of what all went into planning that vacation, for example. Maybe this friend and her husband were recharging their marriage by taking a vacation, and this trip is what saved their relationship. Anyway, I like to know the story. And people don't have to tell their story. They can put on there what they want. I choose to tell my story, so that is why I have this blog. That is why I put more effort into my blog (or at least plan to). I don't want people to think that I have it all together because it just feels fake, and I am not a fake person. So, at this point, I post pictures of Stella now and then for the out-of-town friends and family can see her growing up. I use FB to see pictures of my friends' babies because I don't expect them to e-mail me separate pictures of their children because time is so limited. I sometimes type status updates, but so often I can't think of what to write because my FB "friends" are from so many parts of my life that what I put may not be relevant to them. For example, I'm sure the aunts and grandmas want to know every possible detail about Stella, but I know my childless friends would be bored by that, not to mention, I don't feel comfortable posting certain things about my daughter because I want to respect her, too.

I have fun maintaining this blog (well, recently at least!) and would prefer putting my energy into it and writing, which I enjoy. With a blog, you can decide whether or not to provide context to decisions, events, pictures, etc. FB is more what you see is what you get. So, instead of being black-and-white/all-or-nothing and deactivating FB, as I've been tempted to do lately, I think I will keep it for the time being, and just continue as I'm doing: posting a picture and a small update here and there, and checking the pictures and pages of the people I most care about. I want to surround myself with people who are positive, loving, and for me. I don't want people to dismiss me when they view pictures or read things about my life because they don't have the whole story or don't know me very well. The truth is, our online lives are such a small piece of our real-life/offline lives. Or are they? ;) Hmm, maybe that is fodder for another post.