cherishing my only (for now) child

A few weeks ago, as I was holding Stella and walking into the library, I felt a rush of emotion. I realized that she and I would only have until November as just the two of us. As much as I look forward to eventually meeting the little one growing inside of me, I have been so aware of my love for my firstborn. Even when she was just a few days old, I remember my mom coming over to visit. I was still so emotional from the high hormone levels, and I said to her something along the lines of, "I feel so complete. I don't know how I could ever have any other children." My love for this little newborn felt completely exhausted. How could I ever love another child as much as I loved Stella? I can't remember my mom's exact words, but I know they were reassuring and, after all, she was talking to her second-born of four children, all of whom she loves equally. I've heard other mothers say that their heart expands with love for all subsequent children. I'm not so much worrying now that I won't be able to love this second child as much as I love Stella. I think what I'm dealing with is the awareness that my life is going to change and become more complex again, and certain kinds of change rattle me.

One of the nurses who visited me at home a few days after delivering Stella, encouraged me that going from zero children to one is much harder than when you bring the second baby home. The first is a major life change, but she said with the second child, you are already a mother, so the transition is a little easier. I understand this, but my recent thoughts and feelings are coming from a very emotional place. I want to treasure every second with Stella (and after the baby arrives, too) during this time because this is the only time in my life that I can truly be with her one-on-one.

So I will cherish every minute with my only child, and I will cherish every minute with my two children when that becomes a reality. I want to take each change as it comes with courage and grace.