radiant

Right now we Johnsons are in various stages of sickness: either at the height of sickness (Grace); becoming sick (Stella); almost recovered (me) and has a little way yet to being healthy (Brett). It's getting old. I know a lot of you other friends and family are fighting viruses, too. This is the time of year that threatens to kill our spirits because of the weather and sickness. I challenge you not to despair over this. Don't be bogged down in your negative circumstances. Don't flirt with bitterness like I have been. I'm saying this to you as much as I am to myself.

When we Minnesotans experienced the first snowfall of this season weeks before Thanksgiving, I felt the panic welling up inside of me. Winter has arrived early. We're going to be sick all the time. Our friends will be sick all the time. I am trapped. The darkness that arrives in the late afternoon seems to suffocate me and makes the "witching" hour all the worse when Brett rarely can make it home in time for dinner because of his work responsibilities.

Winter usually doesn't bother me very much, but this year it already has. Then I learned I wouldn't be seeing some out-of-town family for Christmas like I thought I would, and this sapped the wind from my sails. I have been so tempted to dismiss this Christmas season as ruined due to our seemingly never-ending sickness. I hate it. I feel cheated, annoyed. The last two dates Brett and I have wanted to go on have been thwarted by sickness. I feel short-changed. This is a horrible attitude and one that can snowball into bitterness and ingratitude. So with God's help, I'm fighting this.

He has shown me so much grace, and there is so much I don't deserve, but he goes above and beyond what I expect, and gives and gives to us. I don't deserve a loving, self-sacrificing husband, but he gave me one. I don't deserve two lovely children who don't have life-threatening sicknesses, but he gave them to us. He didn't have to give my husband a good job, but he did. He doesn't "owe" me anything, yet he always comes through for us. Yes, he allows us to be sick. He allows us to have problems with our rental property. Car trouble (new battery for mine a few weeks ago). Troubles rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune moments in the form of health issues, relational difficulties, etc. We'll always have trouble, but we, as Christians, will always have the promise that he won't leave or forsake us (Deut 31:8) and that he will be with us even to the end of the age (Matt 28:20).

via Pinterest

So we will continue to try to eat right, sleep well, exercise, take our vitamins, wash our hands to try to stay healthy, but our lives and our health rest in God's hands. Sometimes I don't understand why so many of us have to be sick so often, but I know he does all things, whether good or difficult, for the good of those who love him. Sometimes everything seems to hit the fan at once and I feel so despondent. These are the times that I'm more likely to turn to God and depend on him. I forget so often that he wants to talk to me and hear my cries. He never tires of hearing from me. Let's look to him even when we don't want to or don't know how.