a gift from God

Lately I have been thinking about the fragility of human existence and that I am thankful that my life is in God's hands. That Brett is in God's hands. That Stella is. There are so many things that could go wrong at any given moment: car accidents, freak accidents, sickness, cancer, death. Yes, this is morbid. I want to be ready at any moment. Yes, Jesus has paid the penalty for my sin, but that doesn't mean I can coast and sin that grace may abound. I am pleasing to God because of what his son did on the cross; but I want to live my life in a way that honors him. I want to be an example of that for Stella and any other children God may see fit to give us.

When I got married, I had someone else to worry about: his health, his safety. There was someone else to take care of in my own way; I wasn't responsible for just myself anymore. There was Brett's feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams to consider. Then we had Stella and that really, really made me feel helpless and dependent on God. As dear Pastor Mendez told Brett and me: "Stella is a gift from God." She is ultimately God's, not ours. Her soul, her life belongs to God. That is a relief in many ways, but still I struggle with worry about my baby girl. Brett and I want to protect her so much: is her car seat firmly in place? Are the finger foods we give her small enough so she won't choke? Is she breathing okay? Eventually, as she grows up, I won't be around her all the time. She'll be at school and I'll be wondering if kids are being nice to her. Is she being kind to other kids? Is she looking both ways before she crosses the street? Have we taught her enough about strangers to be discerning but not to the point of paranoia? Let alone her physical and emotional outcome, but her spiritual outcome is the most important. I can't help but cry almost every time I pray for her salvation. I want her to know Jesus at an early age. To love him with all her heart and soul. I will keep praying and teaching her about Jesus and setting a grace-based life example, but I know I will probably mess up more than I will succeed...and that scares me. Regardless of Christian denomination (Calvinism, Arminianism), Christian parents want their kids to know Jesus and to be in heaven with them some day, so let's pray for each other's kids. Let's encourage each other as parents as we parent our children throughout the little years, the adolescent years, the adult years.

Every day it seems I have to pray for grace and peace and know that whatever storm Brett and I pass through as parents, that we would know that God loves us and sees the big picture even though we don't...that we don't idolize our kids and love them more than we love God. That we would be thankful for the gift of our children. That they would know Jesus.